JB Music

Cosmic Debris (C/Cm)

The mystery man came overAnd he said, "I'm out of sight"He said, "For a nominal service chargeI could reach Nirvana tonight"If I was ready, willing and ableTo pay him his regular feeHe would drop all the rest of his pressing affairsAnd devote his attention to me

But I said, "Look here, brotherWho you jivin' with that cosmic debris?"Now, who you jivin' with that cosmic debris?"Look here, brother, don't you waste your time on me"

The mystery man got nervousAnd he fidget around a bitHe reached in the pocket of his mystery robeAnd he whipped out a shaving kitNow, I thought it was a razorAnd a can of foamin' gooBut he told me right then, when the top popped openThere was nothin' his box won't do

With the oil of Afro-dyteeAnd the dust of the Grand WazooHe said, "You might not believe this, little fellaBut it'll cure your asthma too"

And I said, "Look here, brotherWho you jivin' with that cosmic debris?"Now, what kind of guru are you anyway?"Look here, brother, don't you waste your time on me"

Don't waste your time

"I've got troubles of my own, " I said"And you can't help me out, soTake your meditations and your preparationsAnd ram it up your snout""But I've got a crystal ball, " he saidAnd held it to the lightSo I snatched it all away from himAnd I showed him how to do it right

I wrapped a newspaper 'round my headSo I'd look like I was deepI said some mambo jumbos thenI told him he was goin' to sleepI robbed his rings and his pocket watchAnd everything else I foundI had that sucker hypnotizedHe couldn't even make a sound

I proceeded to tell him his future thenAs long as he was hanging around, I said"The price of meat has just went upAnd your old lady has just gone down"

Look here, brotherWho you jivin' with that cosmic debris?Now is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho?Don't you know, you could make more money as a butcherSo don't you waste your time on meDon't waste it, don't waste your time on me (oh Shontay, oh Shontay, oh Shontay, oh)Shontay

Titties & Beer (F#)

It was the blackest night!There was no moon in sight!(you know the stars ain't shinin''cause the sky's too tight)I heard the scary wind!I seen some ugly trees!There was a werewolf honkin','long the side of me!

I'm mean 'n i'm bad, (y'know i ain't no sissy)Got a big-titty girly by the name of 'chrissy'Talkin' about her 'n my bike 'n me...'n this ride up the mountain of mystery, (mystery)

I noticed even the cricketsActed weird up hereAnd so i figured i mightJust drink a little beerI said, "gimme summa that what yer suckin' on..."But there was no reply'cause she was gone!

"where's those titties i like so well,'n' my goddam beer!"Is what i started to yell, then i heard this noiseLike a crunchin' twig, 'n up jumped the devil!(he's about this big!)

He had a red suit onAn' a widow's peakAn' then a pointed tail'n like a sulphur reek,Yes, it was him awright,I swear i knowed it was!He had some human fleshStuck underneath his clawsYou know, it looked to meLike it was titty skin!I said, "you son-of-a-bitch!"('cause i was mad at him!)He just got out his floss'n started cleanin' his fangSo i shot him with my shooter,Said: bang! bang! bang!

Then the sucker just laughed 'n said: "put it away!You know, i ate her all up...now what youGonna say?"You ate my chrissy?"yeah! titties 'n all!"Well what about the beer then?"now, were the cans this tall?"Even her boots?"would i lie to you?"Shit, you musta been hungry!"yeah, this is true."Don't they pay you good for theStuff that you do?"well, you know, i can't complain when the checks come through..."Well i want my chrissy,Oh yeah?'n i want my beerHah!So you just barf it back up!Now, devil, do you hear?Look:"blow it out your ass, motorcycle man!I mean, i am the devil, do you understand?Just what will you give me for yourTitties and beer?I suppose you noticed this littleContract here..."Yer goddam right, you son-of-a-whore!Don't call me that!That's about the only reasonI learned writin' for!Gimme that paper! bet yer horns i'll sign!Because i need a beer, 'n it's titty-Squeezin' time!"man, you can't fool me! you ain't that bad!Oh yeah?Why you shoulda seen some of the souls that i've had!There was milhous nixon 'n agnew too!'n both of those suckers was worse 'n you!"Let's make a deal if you thinkThat's trueI mean, you're supposed to be the devil so...whatchaGonna do?Heh?

Now hold on just a second...You wanna make a deal with me hah?Yeah!Well ah, i don't know man, you know...I just don't know about this...What?See, cause i...Listen, you're...are you losing your nerve?No man, it ain't got nothin' to do with nerve...You're supposed to be the devil!It's got to do...You're supposed to be bad!It's got to do with style, fool!I don't know if you've the right style to get into hell,You know...Well, actually, to tell you...tell you the honest to godTruth,I'm very short on style as a matter of fact...Yeah, i know...that's...that's what makes me wonderBut i have...i, i think i have something thatYou may be interested in...What is that?You can have my soulIt's a mean little sucker'bout a thousand years oldBut once you gets itYou can't give it backYou gotta keep it foreverAn' that's a natural fact!Ooh wee!Do you read me devil?Oh yeah!What? am i supposed to be scared, man?Oh yeah, reety, aw-righty!Oh yeah, that's real tough!I bet you're real bad!Listen fool, you've got to prove to me that you're roughEnough to get into hellThat you've got the style enough to get into hellSo start talkin'...Alright, lemme tell ya somethin'Alright!I'll prove to you that i'm bad enough to go to hellYeah!Because i have been through it!Yeah!I have seen it!Yeah!It has happened to me!Yeah!Remember, i was signed with warner brothersFor eight fuckin' years!!!Tell me about it!Now you're talkin' about something!Now how bad is that?That sounds good to me, motherfucker!So move right alongTell me what your interests are, you know...If we're gonna come to some kind of agreement,I've got to know what you're all about, you know...'cause i don't know if you're the right type for the...For the place, you knowLook...lemme tell you what my problem really is, you seeOk...My problem is that i don't belong anywhereAha...You see... i don't even belong where you are, you seeI hope not!I, i'm a simple person, you knowI have very small desires in lifeTitties 'n beer, you knowNo! what?Titties 'n beer!No! no man, you're joking...Titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer...What? no! no please... no! not that! oh no man, no!Titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer...No! no! no! no! no! not titties 'n beer!Oh i can't stand titties 'n beer!...Titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer, titties 'n beer...(i'm in you! i'm in you!)Oh no! no! no! wait...Ah! look at this! what am i gonna do with this thing?...wait, wait, please no!Hey! look at this!

"no! don't sign it! give me time to think!...hold on a second, boy, 'cause...that'sMagic ink!"

Then the devil barfed'n out jumped my girlThey heard the titties plop-ploppin'All around the world, she said:

"i got three beers 'n a fist fulla downs,An' i'm gonna get ripped, so fuckYou clowns!"

Then she gave us the finger!(it was rigid 'n stiff)That's when the devil, she fartedAn' she went right over the cliff!The devil was mad!(i took off to my pad)I swear i do declare!How did she get back there?I swear i do declare!How did she get back there?I swear i do declare!How did she get back there?I swear i do declare!How did she get back there?

Alright!

Zoot Allures (E)

zoot

Dirty Love (Am)

Give me your dirty loveLike you might surrender to some dragon in your dreamsGive me your dirty loveLike a pink donation to the dragon in your dreams

I don't need your sweet devotionAnd I don't want your cheap emotionWhip me up some dragon lotionFor your dirty loveYour dirty love

Give me your dirty loveLike some tacky little pamphletIn your daddy's bottom drawerGive me your dirty loveI don't believe you never seen his book before

I don't need no consolationAnd I don't want your reservationI only got one destinationAnd that's your dirty loveYour dirty love

Give me your dirty loveJust like your mama make her fuzzy poodle do (oh, Frenchie)Give me your dirty loveThe way your mama make that nasty poodle chew

I'll ignore your cheap aromaAnd your little-bo-peep diplomaI'll just put you in a coma with some dirty loveSome dirty loveThat dirty loveThat dirty love

The poodle bites (come on, Frenchie)The poodle chews it (snap it)The poodle bites (come on, Frenchie)The poodle chews it (snap it)The poodle bites (come on, Frenchie)The poodle chews it (snap it)The poodle bites (come on, Frenchie)The poodle chews it (not a speck of cereal for my dog)The poodle bitesThe poodle chews it (little paws sticking up)

The poodle bitesThe poodle chews It (little curly head)The poodle bitesThe poodle chews itThe poodle bites

Torture Never Stops (Gm)

Flies all green and buzzin'In this dungeon of despairPrisoners grumblinPiss they clothesScratch their matted hairA tiny light from a window-holeHundred yards awayThat all they ever get to know'Bout the regular life in the day'Bout the regular life in the day

Slime and rot and rats and snuckVomit on the floorFifty ugly soldier menHoldin' spears by the iron doorStinks so bad, stones are chokin'Weepin' greenish dropsIn the den whereThe giant fire puffer worksAnd the torture never stopsThe torture never stops, tortureThe torture never stopsThe torture never stops

Flies all green and buzzin'In this dungeon of despairAn evil prince eats a steamin' pigIn a tumbers right near thereIn the chambers right near thereHe eats de snouts an trotters first!The loins and the groins are then dispersedHis carvin' style is well rehearsedHe stands and shoutsAll men be cursed (4x)And disagree it, well no one durstHe the best of cause of all the woistBest of cause of all the woist

He stinks so bad his stones been chokin'Weepin' greenish dropsIn the room with the iron maidenAnd the torture never stops, tortureTorture never stopsTorture never stops, tortureTorture never stops

Flies all green and buzzin'In dungeon of despairWho are'll those peopleThat is shut away down thereAre they crazyAre they saintedAre they heroes someone paintedSomeone paintedAre they -ismsLater ornatedOnce they come they have been taintedOnce they come they have been taintedNever been explainedSince at first it was createdBut a dungeon and his kin'Require naught but lockin' inOf any anything that's beenCould be a her but it's probly a himCould be a her but it's probly a himIts what's the deal were dealin' inIts what's the deal were dealin' inAn he stinks so bad it's hurtTo the pearl and the piles of blastAny dungeon have a trailerWere the torture never stops, tortureTorture never stopsTorture never stops, tortureTorture never stopsTorture never stops, talkin' to youTorture never stops

City Of Tiny Lights (Gm)

City of tiny lites
Don't you wanna go
Hear the tiny auto horns
When they tiny blow
Tiny lightin'
In the storm
Tiny blankets
Keep you warm
Tiny pillows
Tiny sheets
Talkin' bout those tiny cookies
That the peoples eats
City of tiny lites
Maybe you should know
That it's over there
In the tiny dirt somewhere

You can see it any time
When you get the squints
From your downers and your wine
You're so big
It's so tiny
Every cloud is silver line-y
The great escape for all ot you
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do
Tiny is as tiny do

City of tiny lites
Don't you wanna go
Hear the tiny auto horns
When they tiny blow
Tiny lightin'
In the storm
Tiny blankets
Keep you warm
Tiny pillows
Tiny tiny sheets
Talkin' bout them tiny cookies
That the peoples eats
That the peoples eats
That the peoples eats
That the peoples eats
And it's over there
It's over there
It's over there
It's over there

Nanook Rubs It (Ebm)

Well, right about that time, peopleA fur trapper who was strictly from commercial(Strictly commercial)Had the unmitigated audacity to jump up from behind my igloo(Peek-a-boo, whoo-ooh-ooh)And he started in to whippin' on my favorite baby sealWith a lead-filled snow shoe

I said with a lead (lead)Filled (lead-filled)A lead-filled snow shoe (snow shoe)He said "Peek-a-boo" (peek-a-boo)With a lead (lead)Filled (lead-filled)With a lead-filled snow shoe (snow shoe)He said "Peek-a-boo" (peek-a-boo)

He went right up side the head of my favourite baby sealHe went whap with a lead-filled snow shoeAnd he hit him on the nose and he hit him on fin and he -

That got me just about as evil as an Eskimo boy can beSo I bent down and I reached down and I scooped downAnd I gathered up a generous mitten full of the deadly (yellow snow)The deadly yellow snow from right there where the huskies go

Whereupon I proceeded to take that mittenful of the deadly yellow snow crystalsAnd rub it all into his beady little eyes with a vigorous circular motionHitherto unknown to the people in this areaBut destined to take the place of the mud shark in your mythologyHere it goes now, the circular motion, rub it(Here Fido, here Fido)

And then, in a fit of anger, I, I pouncedAnd I pounced againGreat googly-mooglyI jumped up and down the chest of theI injured the fur trapper

Well, he was very upset, as you can understandAnd rightly so, because the deadly yellow snow crystalsHad deprived him of his sightAnd he stood up and he looked aroundAnd he said, "I can't see" (do, do do-do do do-do, yeah)"I can't see" (do, do do-do do do-do, yeah)"Oh, woe is me" (do, do do-do do do-do, yeah)"I can't see" (do, do do-do do do-do, well)

No, noI can't seeNo, I

He took a dog-doo sno-cone and stuffed it in my right eyeHe took a dog-doo sno-cone and stuffed it in my other eyeAnd the huskie wee-wee, I mean the doggie wee-wee, has blinded meAnd I can't seeTemporarily

Well, the fur trapper stood thereWith his arms outstretchedAcross the frozen white wastelandTrying to figure out what he's gonna do about his deflicted eyesAnd it was at that precise moment that he remembered an ancient Eskimo legendWherein it is written and whatever it is that they write it on up there

That if anything bad ever happens to your eyesAs a result of some sort of conflict with anyone named NanookThe only way you can get it fixed upIs to go trudgin' across the tundra, mile after mileTrudgin' across the tundraRight down to the parish of Saint Alfonzo

Yellow Snow (D)

Dreamed I was an eskimoFrozen wind began to blowUnder my boots and around my toesThe frost that bit the ground below

It was a hundred degrees below zero...And my mama criedAnd my mama criedNanook, a-no-noNanook, a-no-noDon't be a naughty eskimo

Save your money, don't go to the showWell I turned around and I said oh, oh ohWell I turned around and I said oh, oh ohWell I turned around and I said ho, hoAnd the northern lights commenced to glow

And she said, with a tear in her eyeWatch out where the huskies go,and don't you eat that yellow snowWatch out where the huskies go,and don't you eat that yellow snow

On The Bus (Am)

home is where the heart is

Outside Now (A)

These executives have plooked the fuck out of me
And there's still a long time to go before I've
Paid my debt to society
And all I ever really wanted to do was
Play the guitar 'n bend the string like
Reent-toont-teent-toont-teent-toont-teenooneenoonee

I've got it
I'll be sullen and withdrawn
I'll dwindle off into the twilight realm
Of my own secret thoughts
I'll lay on my back here 'til dawn
In a semi-catatonic state
And dream of guitar notes
That would irritate
An executive kinda guy...

Well, I guess that one did the trick
If they only coulda heard it
Half-a-dozen of 'em woulda strangled
While they was suckin' on each other's dick

But that was only a bunch of imaginary
Notes I played
Just a little extra somethin'
To keep me goin' from day to day

That's okay
I'll be gettin' outta here pretty soon
Then I won't have to live
In this ugly fuckin' room

Can't wait to see
I can't wait to see what it's like
On the outside now...
Can't wait to see

I can't wait to see what it's like
On the outside now...
Can't wait to see
I can't wait to see what it's like

On the outside now . . .
Can't wait to see
I can't wait to see what it's like
On the outside now...

Can't wait to see
I can't wait to see what it's like
On the outside now...
Can't wait to see

I can't wait to see what it's like
On the outside now...
Can't wait to see
I can't wait to see what it's like

On the outside now...
Can't wait to see
I can't wait to see what it's like
On the outside now...

Can't wait to see
I can't wait to see what it's like
On the outside now...
Outside now...

Lucille (Am)

Lucille

Has messed my mind up
But I still love her
Oh I still love her
Lucille
Has messed my mind up
But I still love her
Oh I still love her
Lucille
Has messed my mind up
But I still need her you know I need her

Whatcha tryna doota me Lucille?
Whatcha tryna doota me Lucille?
Whatcha tryna doota me Lucille?
You got me goin outa my mind

Lucille
Has tore my heart up
But I still love her
I really love her
Lucille
Has tore my heart up
But I still need her
You know I need her

She treats me like my heart
Is made of stone
She runs around
And leaves me home
All alone
She doesn't answer
When I call her on the phone
She messed up my mind
I'm cryin' alia the time

Lucille
Has messed my mind...

Joe's Garage (F#)

We take you nowTo a garage in Carmichael

It wasn't very large
There was just enough room to cram the drums
In the corner over by the Dodge
It was a fifty-four
With a mashed up door
And a cheesy, little amp
With a sign on the front said, "Fender Champ"
And a second hand guitar
It was a Stratocaster with a whammy bar

We could jam in Joe's garage
His mama was screamin'
His dad was mad
We was playin' the same old song
In the afternoon and sometimes we would
Play it all night long
It was all we knew and easy too
So, we wouldn't get it wrong
All we did was bend the string like

Hey!
Down in Joe's garage
We didn't have no dope or LSD
But a couple a-quarts a-beer
Would fix it so the intonation
Would not offend your ear
And the same old chords goin' over and over
Became a symphony
We could play it again and again and again
'Cause it sounded good to me
One more time

We could jam in Joe's garage
His mama was screamin'
"Turn it down!"
We was playing the same old song
In the afternoon and sometimes we would
Play it all night long
It was all we knew and easy too
So, we wouldn't get it wrong
Even if you played it on a saxophone

We thought we was pretty good
We talked about keepin' the band together
And we figured that we should
'Cause about this time we was gettin' the eye
From the girls in the neighborhood
They'd all come over and dance around like

So, we picked out a stupid name
Had some cards printed up for a couple a-bucks
And we was on our way to fame
Got matching suits and Beatle boots
And a sign on the back of the car
And we was ready to work in a go-go bar

1, 2, 3, 4
Let's see if you've got some more

People seemed to like our song
They got up and danced and made a lotta noise
And it wasn't 'fore very long
A guy from a company we can't name

Said we oughta take his pen
And sign on the line for a real good time
But he didn't tell us when
These good times would be somethin'

That was really happenin'
So, the band broke up
And it looks like
We will never play again

Guess you only get one chance in life
To play a song that goes like

Turn it down!
Turn it down!
I have children sleeping here
Don't you boys know any nice songs?

Well, the years was rollin' by, yeah
Heavy metal and glitter rock
Had caught the public eye, yeah
Snotty boys with lipstick on

Was really flyin' high, yeah
And then they got that disco thing
And new wave came along
And all of a sudden I thought the time

Had come for that old song
We used to play in Joe's garage
And if I am not wrong
You will soon be dancin' to the

(The white zone is for loading)
(And unloading only)
(If you gotta load or unload)
(Go to the white zone)

I said, "The years was rollin' by", yeah
The years was rollin' by
(I am calling the police!)
So, those years are rollin' by
(I did it, they'll be here shortly!)
Those years was rollin' by, yeah
(This is the police)
Those years are rollin' by
(I'm not joking around anymore)
(Come out, we have the garage surrounded)
Those years are rollin' by
(Give yourselves up)
(We will not harm you)
I said, "Those years are rollin' by"
(Or hurt you neither)
(You'll see them; there they are, they're coming)
(This is the police)
(Give yourself up)
Those years are rollin' by
(We will not harm you)
(Listen to that mess, would you?)
(This is the police)
(Give yourself up)
(We have the garage surrounded)
(Everyday this goes on around here!)
Those years are rollin' by
(We will not harm you)
(Or maim you)
(SWAT team four, move in!)
I said, "Those years are slidin' by"
(He used cut my grass, he was a very nice boy)

Magic Fingers (Am)

Ooh, the way you love me, lady,I get so hard now I could die
Ooh, the way you love me, sugar,
I get so hard now I could die

Open up your pocketbook,
Get another quarter out,
Drop it in the meter, mama
And try me on for size
Open up your pocketbook,
Get another quarter out,
Drop it in the meter, mama
And try me on for size

Ooh, the way you squeeze me, baby,
Red balloons just pop behind my eyes
Ooh, the way you squeeze me, girl,
Red balloons just pop behind my eyes

Open up your pocketbook,
Get another quarter out,
Drop it in the meter, mama
And try me on for size
Open up your pocketbook,
Get another quarter out,
Drop it in the meter, mama
And try me on for size

[Mark:]
Oh, do you really wanna please me?

[Howard:]
You know I do, baby

[Mark:]
Well, tell me why you do it
I really wanna know

[Howard:]
Oh, no, no, I wouldn't be right
For me to tell you tonight

[Mark:]
You better tell me right away
Or I pack up and go!

[Howard:]
Don't get mad
It ain't no big thing

[Mark:]
You better tell me right away,
Don't you treat me cold

[Howard:]
HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT, HOLD IT!

Mud Shark (E)

There's a motel in Seattle, Washington called the Edgewater InnThe Edgewater Inn is built out on a pierSo that means that when you look out your window, you don't see any dirtIt's got a bay or something out in your backyard (sh-sh-shark)

And to make it even more interestingIn the lobby of the aforementioned motelThere's a bait and tackle shop where the residents can go down whenever they want toRent a fishing pole and some preserved minnowsAnd schlep back up to their roomsOpen the window, stick their little pole outsideAnd within a few minutes, actually catch a fish of some sortThat they can bring into their motel room and do whatever they want with itYou know what I mean? (Mud Sh-sh-shark)

Now in this bay there's quite a variety ofFish (mud Sh-sh-shark)Not only do they have mud sharks up there, they got little arctic pussies that you can catchFish! (Mud Sh-sh-shark)And all of these denizens of the deep can come in real handy

Let's say you were a traveling rock and roll band called the Vanilla FudgeLet's say one night you checked into the Edgewater Inn with an 8mm movie camera (mud Sh-sh-shark)Enough money to rent a poleAnd just to make it more interesting (mud Sh-sh-shark)A succulent young lady (no)With a taste for the bizarre (mud Sh-sh-shark)My mind drifts back (ooh)To a meeting, a chance meeting in the Chicago O'Hare AirportWhere the members of the Vanilla Fudge told Don PrestonAbout the home movie they made at the Edgewater InnWith a mud shark (mud Sh-sh-shark)

And I'm going to tell you, this dance, the mud shark, is sweeping the oceanHey! (Mud Sh-sh-shark)Out! Get it moving, get it outWe're going to go out, so farCome on

Out! You go outSo far out, you do the mud shark, babyOut, you go outSo far out, you do the mud shark, babyNow show them what they do with a mud sharkOut, you go outNow show them what they do with a mud sharkYou go outYou do a mud shark, babyOut, you go outHey! Go on, catch the mud sharkSo far out, do the mud shark, baby

Hey!Out, you go outSo far out, do the mud shark, babyOut! You go outSo far out, you do the mud shark, babyOut, you go outSo far out, you do the mud shark, babyOut! You go outSo far out, you do the mud shark, babyOut, you go outSo far out, you do the mud shark, babyOut! You go outSo far out, you do the mud shark, babyOut, you go outSo far out, you do the mud shark, babyOut, you go outSo far out, do the mud shark, baby

Peaches en Regalia (Bm)

La La, Da Da, get down